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Thread: Humor Thread

  1. #4671
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    Mid MI
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    4,563
    Don’t like our flag... THEN GET OUT ! ! !
    CD69300C-DB7C-4E17-A5A1-8AF77FFF0508.jpeg
    - Ray -

    "The Constitution is NOT an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it IS an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it comes to dominate our lives and interests."
    - Patrick Henry
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    "The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." - Attributed to Thomas Jefferson
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  2. #4672
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    NW Oregon
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  3. #4673
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    Feb 2008
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    Western Montana
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    I can hardly wait. Just imagine the intensity.

    Is God Politically Correct? If not should you be? - F. Huff -- God is unchanging in His love. He loves you. He has a plan for your life. Don't let the newspaper headlines frighten you. God is still sovereign; He's still on the throne. - B. Graham -- No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority. - Robert A. Heinlein

  4. #4674
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    NW Oregon
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  5. #4675
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Mid MI
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    4,563
    - Ray -

    "The Constitution is NOT an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it IS an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it comes to dominate our lives and interests."
    - Patrick Henry
    __________________

    "The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." - Attributed to Thomas Jefferson
    __________________

  6. #4676
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    1,482

  7. #4677
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    Aug 2005
    Location
    Norcross, GA
    Posts
    34

  8. #4678
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    Apr 2005
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  9. #4679
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    2,189
    How about some real humor. Real life, I mean.

    I was mowing the dog pen the other day. Hot and nasty out there in central VA. I was good, and sweaty wet.

    I pass by one of the big walnut trees in the dog pen, look down and there is a huge bright green caterpillar on the ground at the base of the tree. I had no idea what it was but the darn thing was as long as my middle finger an as big around or slightly bigger (found out later it was a luna moth caterpillar).

    I get my phone out, and take a couple pictures and then start filming a short movie to show to my wife.

    I don't want the dogs eating it or getting stung by it so I grab a twig and roll it over and sure enough, it wraps around the twig. I pick it up, still filming, and don't even stand up as I'm just going to take a couple/three steps and shove it and the twig through the fence and drop it outside the pen.

    You know those electric wires you put on the fence posts to keep the dogs from climbing over the fence? Yeah, walked right into it. Hit the top of my head right about the center of all that sweaty/wet hair. On the video you can hear it pop/crackle/buzz. You can hear me holler and say, "Well, the darn fence works (twice)." As I stumbled back from the fence and stood up straight. And, if you listen a time or two, you can hear the fence charger buzzing on the other side of pen as it cycles through shocking me and recharging.

    Wakes you right up. Gets your attention, if you know what I mean. All I have on the video is my hand, the twig, the big green caterpillar being shoved through the fence. But you can hear the pop/crackle, etc. Too bad I didn't have my wife filming me from outside the dog pen. Might have made some money on it.
    Last edited by M1A's r Best; 07-23-2019 at 03:48 AM.

  10. #4680
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    1,025
    A little long, but worth it.

    President Gordon B. Hinckley, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, October, 1982:

    The Brethren have asked that I now speak to you. This has been a wonderful meeting. I hope that we long remember what we have heard.


    As I consider some of the problems people cause themselves by failing to look ahead, I think of a letter I clipped a long time ago from a newspaper. It was first published in England. I hope you will pardon a bit of humor. I use it only to set the stage for what I wish to say.


    It appears that an English company owned a property in the West Indies. A violent storm damaged one of the buildings, and a man was sent to make repairs. Of his experience, he wrote the manager as follows:


    “Respected Sir,


    “When I got to the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks. When I had fixed the building, there was a lot of bricks left over.


    “I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at the bottom, and then went up and filled the barrel with extra bricks. Then I went to the bottom and cast off the line.


    “Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was, and before I knew what was happening the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground. I decided to hang on, and halfway up I met the barrel coming down and received a severe blow on the shoulder.


    “I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my finger jammed in the pulley. When the barrel hit the ground, it bursted its bottom, allowing all the bricks to spill out.


    “I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed. Halfway down, I met the barrel coming up and received severe injuries to my shins. When I hit the ground, I landed on the bricks, getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges.


    “At this point I must have lost my presence of mind, because I let go of the line. The barrel then came down, giving me another heavy blow on the head and putting me in the hospital.


    “I respectfully request sick leave.”
    “The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.” —Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)

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