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Thread: Humor Thread

  1. #4311
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    Dec 2008
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  2. #4312
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    "You no sweat, no sauce." --Chef Pasquale

    Now there's a lesson for us all.

    Guy reminds me of my old man in the good days, just a little different accent.
    Warrior for the working day.

    Es una cosa muy seria. --Robert Capa

    "...I ride the range in a Ford V8...Yippy Yi Yo Ki Yay." --Johnny Mercer

    2, 3, 16. And a wakeup.

  3. #4313
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    7,841
    Years ago, I put a counter with 3 propane gas burners on my porch to keep the heat and steam of canning out of the house. Since the wife split a couple of years ago I have not had the energy to do much canning. Back in the 60s I can remember my grandparents house. 4 stove burners were not enough; they had 4 double electric hot plates. They had to use both front and back porches to keep the hot plates from blowing fuses.

    My great aunt had an outside wood oven for baking. I used to stay at their farm for week long stints to help out when I was a kid. One of the morning chores was to build the fire in the outdoor oven.

    Thanks for a good memory,
    Choirboy

  4. #4314
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    439

    Default Constitooooshun

    And let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one. Luke 22:36

    Steven Spaugh

  5. #4315
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    Illinois
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    Default Unsupervised Play

    The following is from a currently inactive blog, that was the property of the late Mike Vanderboegh.

    Steven

    Saturday, April 4, 2009


    "Something they won't learn in school": An anecdote on the importance of unsupervised play in childhood development.


    From Bob K., a current-serving member of the United States armed forces, we have this reminiscence via email of an early improvised munitions lesson.

    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbitch.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland, so there really wasn't any fire danger. Ill put it this way - a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

    Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Letís face it, to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.

    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can, but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie. A pound of Pyrodex and 16ounces of ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker, you know? You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of Pyrodex and dumped it on, too. Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15ft and lit the two-stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH SHIT! He just got home from work. So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can. Oh, shit!

    When the shock wave hit, it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fucking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion; and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.

    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback Ė ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard, and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know. I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so, and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again... Thanks, Mom.

    One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years, and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

    Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both..

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Itís good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life. Something they wonít learn in school.

    Posted byDutchman6at7:26 AM



    And let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one. Luke 22:36

    Steven Spaugh

  6. #4316
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    Geek Warlord
    Dungeons & Dragons & Deadlifts

    Muscle Wizard Casts: Fist


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  7. #4317
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorkface View Post
    Sad. Some poor middle eastern gentleman just wanted to take her out for a romantic evening and she gets stuck in the car like that.
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

  8. #4318
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    421
    Modern form of stump broke, bondage style !

  9. #4319
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    Nov 2017
    Location
    Las Vegas, Nevada
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    25
    And here is a herd of cows helping to "corral" and corner a suspect fleeing the police...

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...r-anne-kaufman

  10. #4320
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    NWFL
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    13,490
    One who hammers his gun into a plow plows for those who do not....Unknown
    ...at the end of the day its not about anything else but YOU AND YOURS..... Gabe Suarez
    ....WANT not NEED is what America is all about. ..... Gabe Suarez
    Its not about how fast you can load, but about how well you can shoot ..... Someone being saved by a speed load is not something that has happened with any regularity. Gabe Suarez

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