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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    376
    After Jesse died many people were worried about me knocking myself off as I blamed myself. I just can't stop the hurt that way. Too many people that are already hurting would be hurt even more and I can't do that to them. I also have that Roman Catholic up bringing and in the back of my head I think if I did I would not get to see my son. Which is funny because I have had several friends who had committed suicide and I don't believe they are in hell.

    I am usually a glass half full type of guy. In 08 I had 7 operations and spent about 3 months total in the hospital. I almost died several times. I also had to have another two surgeries in 17 and 18. People go how horrible, but I look at it as I am alive, I am all hooked up, other that some shitty scars I am doing pretty good. Yondering saw me and know what ruff shape I was in. I can look at this and see positives.

    I can't see any positives losing our son. My soul just hurts a lot. I am lucky I have a great wife and our relationship is strong, good friends, and a huge support group. I think what now God? What do you have in store for us? Taking myself out is just not one of those options Nor would Jesse want that either.

    I am sorry so many post I have tied back to my loss. It is just every little thing reminds me of him.
    Common sense is not a common virtue!

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    TEXAS THIRD COAST
    Posts
    1,658
    Quote Originally Posted by RedLeg0811 View Post
    After Jesse died many people were worried about me knocking myself off as I blamed myself. I just can't stop the hurt that way. Too many people that are already hurting would be hurt even more and I can't do that to them. I also have that Roman Catholic up bringing and in the back of my head I think if I did I would not get to see my son. Which is funny because I have had several friends who had committed suicide and I don't believe they are in hell.

    I am usually a glass half full type of guy. In 08 I had 7 operations and spent about 3 months total in the hospital. I almost died several times. I also had to have another two surgeries in 17 and 18. People go how horrible, but I look at it as I am alive, I am all hooked up, other that some shitty scars I am doing pretty good. Yondering saw me and know what ruff shape I was in. I can look at this and see positives.

    I can't see any positives losing our son. My soul just hurts a lot. I am lucky I have a great wife and our relationship is strong, good friends, and a huge support group. I think what now God? What do you have in store for us? Taking myself out is just not one of those options Nor would Jesse want that either.

    I am sorry so many post I have tied back to my loss. It is just every little thing reminds me of him.
    Never be sorry for sharing your loss and your pain. Many on here listened to me and helped me. Gabe leading the way. The loss will always be there, but the bad memories will be replaced with the fondest of times. I dwell on the things that made Bliss such a special angel, but itís taken time to do that.


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    Jon Payne
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    The Two Most Dangerous Places in Today's World:
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    I choose to live a peaceful life. It's not hard to change my mind.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Beyond The Wall
    Posts
    32,703
    We all have demons. They dont define us...but they do form a part of who we are. I have never shared mine. They need to be kept in their boxes. Someone once said, "Dont judge how a man walks until you have worn his boots". That has to be kept in mind here from all of us...and FOR all of us.

    The other point is that we all have a breaking point. Some might reach that while others won't. And what happens when that point is reached depends on each man's resources or choices.

    The only thing I will say...as one who has seen plenty of death and cried plenty of tears. Never say never.
    Gabriel Suarez

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Western WA
    Posts
    4,847
    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriel Suarez View Post
    We all have demons. They dont define us...but they do form a part of who we are. I have never shared mine. They need to be kept in their boxes. Someone once said, "Dont judge how a man walks until you have worn his boots". That has to be kept in mind here from all of us...and FOR all of us.

    The other point is that we all have a breaking point. Some might reach that while others won't. And what happens when that point is reached depends on each man's resources or choices.

    The only thing I will say...as one who has seen plenty of death and cried plenty of tears. Never say never.
    I run in a few different circles, a few of which have more than a passing familiarity with violence.

    One thing that strikes me comparing those circles... in some there is a distinct feeling of "broken-ness". They deal with their brokenness and keep moving on, but there's a definite feeling of wallowing in the darkness and letting it define them.

    We all have darkness, pain, and yes, never say never. We can all be pulled down by it, and at times, we are.

    But there's a difference between living, and dwelling.

    I try not to judge, because indeed I have not walked in any one's shoes but my own.
    Brent Yamamoto
    Suarez International Tier 1 Staff Instructor

    Ready, willing, able. Bring it.

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  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    321
    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriel Suarez View Post
    Read about Samson's end. The clergy have their own agenda...all of them do.

    I believe that the Catholic church making suicide a major sin is all about control of people.

    Someone being tortured/ abused etc.... by the local head thug/baron/communist/nazi may want to opt out by suicide.

    If they are brainwashed into thinking that this ruins their afterlife they are more likely to put up with more torture and abuse.


    I believe that most times suicide is a long term solution to a short term solvable problem, but there are times I would not judge one for opting out.

    I think the Vikings thought of how to meet death has some logic.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Beyond The Wall
    Posts
    32,703
    Quote Originally Posted by cmcampbell View Post
    I think the Vikings thought of how to meet death has some logic.
    Indeed
    Gabriel Suarez

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    1,413
    Even if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice...

  8. #28
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Beyond The Wall
    Posts
    32,703
    So lets bring it back around. Life is a gift and everyday is filled with wonder and beauty. That is my view. I find pleasure in the smallesr and simplest things. But that is not the case for everyone. We have all seen ugliness and felt its sting...but as I noted...that must not define us nor must we be defeated by it.

    But if we cannot say that everyday is filled with beauty and promise and pleasure...and we cannot change that...ever. Then the Samson concept is not out of the realm of possibilities. Still...I do wish Bourdain could have found a way.
    Gabriel Suarez

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Central Texas
    Posts
    1,314
    Without a doubt, Samson and the folks covered by ; Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for another, would not end up in hell for suicide.

    Still studying the matter.
    2 Samuel 22; Psalm 139:21-22

  10. #30
    WinstonSmith Guest
    I understand Bourdain suppressed his chemical addictions with a jiu jitsu addiction, at least for a time Ö

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