Harassment Response

[Faramir2]

Wasn't sure which other forum this thread belonged in, so here it goes. Guy in the building across the parking lot from my and the wife's apartment sits outside sometimes. No big deal, except that he keeps whistling at her, staring at her, and then the other day, hollered, "Hey!" and tried to approach her, when she was getting in her car to head back to work after lunch. Didn't get to her before she had backed out but was plainly trying to.

What's the point at which folks here would contact local police to get them to respond? Or is some other report helpful to file? Got a pic of the guy (I came home at lunch yesterday to watch, saw the guy, snapped a shot of him, but didn't say anything to him myself because I wasn't quite sure—really probably should have, looking back on it), and address, but no name. Not sure how much local PD would do with that anyway. I did notify the apartment complex management.

Needless to say, this has freaked her out. I'm at school all day but can get back very quickly if need be. Only thing she's really willing to carry is a taser (going to work her up to carrying a blade—it'll be a bit before she feels comfortable with a pea shooter). Throat punches are helpful, if called for, but I'd also rather avert that necessity, willing though I would be to "put a hurtin' on him," as they say in the South, if he attempted to touch her or something.

[psalms23dad]

Does he know she's married?

[Hasher]

A face full of Fox Laba pepper spray will melt his eyeballs.

[Faramir2]

Does he know she's married?

Don't know. Seems like he mostly watches her from a distance, excepting his attempt at approaching her the other day. If he pays much attention, though, he's gotta notice my movements (which might be why he makes his moves around lunchtime: I'm not there).

Hasher, good suggestion on the pepper spray. I'll order some, when I get home. That I think she would carry, and I'm more confident of that thing's effect than her stun gun thing.

[Papa]

Encourage her to call it in as a suspicious/stalking.

Build a record for when, not if, you have to act.

Or she does.

[Gabriel Suarez]

I am going to refrain from commenting as my bellicose answer would likely not be appreciated in our modern domesticated age.

I recall a question in class once from a student. He wanted to know what he should do if a man grabbed his wife's ass while he was with her. I answered that he should knock the man's teeth out of his mouth without delay. "But then I will be arrested", he protested. My reply was simple again..."Maybe...maybe not. But if so, so what. It will cost you a little but it will be well worth it...not only for your self image as a man, your image to your wife, and as a lesson to the man who not only disrespected her...but you as well".

Nothing is free. In fact, I recall from Heinlein -

“The price of freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness.”

There it is. If you allow that to happen unanswered, you will always regret that moment.

I shall now return to my cave.

[chad newton]

You know what I would do..... If you have to ask, maybe police report is a better idea...

[chad newton]

Honestly he really hasn’t done anything wrong yet, other then make you both uncomfortable.... Tell your old lady to tell him to “fuck off or me and my husband are both going to put you in the hospital”...

[Dorkface]

I am going to refrain from commenting as my bellicose answer would likely not be appreciated in our modern domesticated age.

Especially in a day and age when seeing people in masks is 1000% normal.

"Witnesses describe seeing a person dressed in all black, black hat, sunglasses a face mask"... etcetera etcetera

[chad newton]

He’s outside in the same spot all the time, use your imagination .... Its starting to get dark early these days....

[psalms23dad]

Don't know. Seems like he mostly watches her from a distance, excepting his attempt at approaching her the other day. If he pays much attention, though, he's gotta notice my movements (which might be why he makes his moves around lunchtime: I'm not there).


He needs to know you guys are married.
If he thinks she's single then he's really not doing anything wrong far as I'm concerned. He's just a dude looking to hook up. Just having a talk with him will probably resolve the issue.
Calling the cops first will make you look weak. If he's a predator you cannot afford to look weak.

[chad newton]

I want to add, even if I liked her or not I would still handle that shit. Why, because I’m a gentleman.....

[BigEd63]

Free throat punch award when he opens the door with "Stay the fuck away from my wife or next time I rip off your head and shit in it!"

[Faramir2]

Appreciate the thoughts, folks. She's going to make the suspicious stalking report Papa suggested, just for the sake of making the record (not to get them out there—don't need that yet). That aside, next move will be me talking to him at the appropriate time. For now, not much wrong yet, and kinda to your point, Psalms23dad, she pointed out this morning that this is middle school-level immaturity. Obviously it can become more than that pretty easily, so we reviewed throat punches and other nasty things this morning, in case she needed to handle him when I'm not around and can't get there quickly enough.

But I'm keeping an eye on him, and a wrong move will bring out some bellicosity. I'm generally a pretty chill guy, but you mess with my people...

The one upshot is it's motivating her to work with me again on fighting skills generally, both hand-to-hand and weapons. She's currently toting my Gang Unit around. Wouldn't mind if she carried a blade full-time...

[georgeib]

There is probably not an answer that will work in 100% of situations, as there are several unknowns here. As an approach that will work for me or for someone that looks like Dorkface, may not be ideal for you. That said, you are an attorney, and as such thinking through the legal ramifications and the social ones -the guy knows where you live after all- behooves you. Winning the battle, but losing the war is no win at all.

I like Papa's approach. Creating a paper trail goes a long way towards mitigating legal ramifications. Then, I would have a friendly, and I do mean friendly, conversation with the guy. All the while fully mentally and physically prepared to take Heinlein's advice as Gabe wrote, "...the willingness to do sudden battle anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness."

Over the generations, much has been written and postulated on the art of war, and the relationship between soft skills and hard skills. Hard skills and the ability and willingness to use them are critical, but strategy and soft skills are often the difference between success and failure in the use of hard skills. From a primal perspective, the reason humanity has become the dominant species on the planet isn't because we are the strongest nor fastest, rather it's because we are the smartest. Use your best asset to think a few moves ahead and take not just the queen, but the king too.

Have a conversation with the guy, after you've created a paper trail. If the conversation goes well, you've won the battle, but don't relax quite yet. If the conversation goes poorly, through no fault of your own -maintain your cool and make NO threats- then plan accordingly. Actions without threats are infinitely superior to threats without actions, so let go of your ego and keep your hidden intentions hidden.

ETA: It would serve you well to have your phone in your pocket recording the conversation. Even more so, if you are calm and collected and he acts the fool.

[Gabriel Suarez]

I will add...if you look like a dangerous man...and walk out with her a few times...I suspect the message will be sent very passively. OTOH...if you do not look like a dangerous man...

I doubt the gal on the arm of the Hells Angel or the thug...or the weightlifter would be whistled at when they realized she was with them.

[NV28]

" Wasn't sure which other forum this thread belonged in, so here it goes. Guy in the building across the parking lot from my and the wife's apartment sits outside sometimes. No big deal, except that he keeps whistling at her, staring at her, and then the other day, hollered, "Hey!" and tried to approach her, when she was getting in her car to head back to work after lunch. Didn't get to her before she had backed out but was plainly trying to.

What's the point at which folks here would contact local police to get them to respond? Or is some other report helpful to file? Got a pic of the guy (I came home at lunch yesterday to watch, saw the guy, snapped a shot of him, but didn't say anything to him myself because I wasn't quite sure—really probably should have, looking back on it), and address, but no name. Not sure how much local PD would do with that anyway. I did notify the apartment complex management.

Needless to say, this has freaked her out. I'm at school all day but can get back very quickly if need be. Only thing she's really willing to carry is a taser (going to work her up to carrying a blade—it'll be a bit before she feels comfortable with a pea shooter). Throat punches are helpful, if called for, but I'd also rather avert that necessity, willing though I would be to "put a hurtin' on him," as they say in the South, if he attempted to touch her or something. "

Now,get this guy ID'ed.Know WHO He Is....all Tribe members know WHAT he is..... There is all sorts of wicked trash living in plain sight around all of us.

Tribe Quote of the day......... " Use your imagination "

[Dorkface]

As an approach that will work for me or for someone that looks like Dorkface, may not be ideal for you

I recently had someone tell me I look like an executioner. Lol

[Wiseguy04]

I recently had someone tell me I look like an executioner. Lol

Deterrence. Best prevention.

Friend told me a story similar to the OP. I just looked at my 6’, 220lb muscular frame in the mirror and shrugged.

”Hmmm... that never happens when I’m around... :confused:

[Chainsaw76]

Find a shield maiden and let HER have a talk with your wife about SD/arming up. Sometimes they will listen to another woman more on this subject. It might not work, but it won’t hurt either.

I really dislike weirdos of this sort. They have to be dealt with sooner or later. Try to stay out of trouble, but do what must be done to protect your wife.
jim

[Faramir2]

Thanks for all the suggestions, folks. Figured I'd post an update, now that things have progressed a little. Pursuant to Papa's suggestion, I had my wife call the non-emergency line to give a suspicious stalker report; when the dispatcher heard that the dude had approached her, she immediately sent out an officer to take a statement in person (I thought sending an officer out physically was unnecessary, but I'm guessing that's their policy). So, she gave the spiel, officer took some notes, and creeper dude saw them talking, so wife took the opportunity to point him out. That was yesterday, and I didn't see him around, when I got back later.

Today he was watching us when we got home from church, so I went over after my wife went inside and had a short, friendly conversation with the guy. Cracked up laughing when I got back home, because the guy was a pathetically bad liar, and plainly scared to death. Dude shifted his story several times and tried to tell me that women will just say things to make their men jealous, try to get in your head, whatever. I told him my wife's not concerned about making me jealous, and thought, "Bro, I promise you, she is not trying to use you to make me jealous—far from it."

So, I think he got the message. Something else happens, next talk won't be so friendly. I don't exactly look like a pisséd bodybuilder who can rip his arm off, but I projected some authority. We'll see what's next.

[georgeib]

Nice. Most times it works out easy. But always good to have a plan for when things go the hard way.

[psalms23dad]

Good to hear.

[Papa]

I was kinda hoping he had warrants.

Well played.

[Faramir2]

I was kinda hoping he had warrants.

Well played.

Ha! That would certainly have proved amusing. He might end up with one, if he doesn't take the hint (which I think he did).

[Redbug]

Just be careful if you have to confront that guy in the future. If you push or touch him first he will call the police saying you assaulted him. If he is black your turkey will be cooked.

[Faramir2]

Just be careful if you have to confront that guy in the future. If you push or touch him first he will call the police saying you assaulted him. If he is black your turkey will be cooked.

Fortunately he isn't the latter, and if I have to deal with him later, I won't be making the first contact, if at all possible. Heh, if he were black, the first conversation probably wouldn't have gone the way it did—I would have been branded a racist, and that would have been that.