People who constantly complain are harmful to your health

[Gabriel Suarez]

People who constantly complain are harmful to your health (https://bigthink.com/mind-brain/constant-complaining?fbclid=IwAR29_Nb70_4iqXlXfbHTe5B1DsD44 U_IXt9XJVTp4OJQ4c5HpXNxCj4Hl30)
Could you give up complaining for a whole month? That's the crux of this interesting piece (http://www.fastcompany.com/3042951/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/what-its-like-to-go-without-complaining-for-a-month) by Jessica Hullinger over at Fast Company. Hullinger explores the reasons why humans are so predisposed to griping and why, despite these predispositions, we should all try to complain less. As for no complaining for a month, that was the goal for people enrolled in the Complaint Restraint project (http://complaintrestraint.com/).


Participants sought to go the entirety of February without so much as a moan, groan, or bellyache.

[Greg Nichols]

I'm a little torn on this one. One little nugget I took from a Sr. NCO when I was a fresh leader was "The only time you need to worry about your troops is when they stop bitching". The one constant in the Jr. enlisted ranks is that they bitch constantly, they still do what they're supposed to, when they're supposed to with a sense of urgency, but they bitch about it. On the other hand in the civilian/corporate world I find that the complainers tend to procrastinate, drag their feet, and half ass the task they're bitching about.

It's an odd dichotomy that in one instance it had zero effect on morale and performance and actually seemed to almost always be accompanied with humor, and the other it wrecked it and grew like a cancer.

[Brent Yamamoto]

I think it's natural for young people to bitch about stuff when they're facing shared hardships. It can be bonding and I get that.

However, I think as you mature, you put away childish things. Habitual complaining is toxic. Like any other activity that you repeat over and over, it builds a habit. Some people are addicted to complaining. It makes a toxic work environment. It destroys friendships, it poisons marriages.

Of course, one sometimes needs to blow off steam. Sometimes you must share your burden with a close friend or with a spouse...that is what people who love each other do - help carry your burden when you are unable to. But like so many things there must be balance. It's like a bank account...you must make frequent deposits to cover your occasional withdrawals. If you're constantly in a state of bouncing checks, you are an emotional vampire.

[Greg Nichols]

I think it's natural for young people to bitch about stuff when they're facing shared hardships. It can be bonding and I get that.

However, I think as you mature, you put away childish things. Habitual complaining is toxic. Like any other activity that you repeat over and over, it builds a habit.

This is a good point, the difference in age and environment can make it constructive or destructive. I guess I see complaining as different than habitual negativity, and as a leader, I like complaining because it informs me that there is an issue and lets me get ahead of it before it's a real issue. The habitually negative person is a cancer and can destroy a team or relationships, a cloud for every silver lining.

[Oscar01]

Interesting read, to me it goes along with "you are what you think" and how important it is to program good habits.


Rather than making it a habit to lose or complain, make it a habit to find a solution and win. And completely agree with Brent's view- there's a difference with joking or occasional complaining but don't make it your identity.


Life is a lot better that way and hanging around people who agree is far more beneficial.

[Greg Nichols]

4. Turn Complaints Into SolutionsThis is called “positive complaining” or “effective complaining. As Wolfe says, “Don’t sit around and admire the problem.” Do something about it.


Something that I observe quite a bit on this forum, especially when discussing politics, law changes, and local laws/restrictions, is the complaining, hand wringing, and emotional outbursts about these topics without a suggested plan to address the issue. Observe the problem, make a plan, execute that plan. Action cures fear and taking positive steps in fixing something will always improve your mindset on the challenge you initially complained about.

[Brent Yamamoto]

Fair point Greg. We are on the same page.

In a work environment or in any team activity, there's certainly a place for valid complaints. "X,Y and Z are broken, we need to fix that. It's been a problem for a long time, has been raised and not addressed...", etc. But there's a way to do that. It's like the difference between constructive criticism and outright negative criticism.

A genuine attempt or plea for help addressing a problem is a positive. But habitual negativity is a cancer on any team. And all it takes is one.

[callmebubba]

I’m going to throw out that the worst I’ve experienced is when someone in a leadership role is the cancerous complainer. I experienced it first hand with a team leader in Afghanistan. His complaining all stemmed from his unsuccessful career that he blamed on others. He complained about those above him to those below him. It spread discontent among the platoon and likely prematurely ended what could have been successful military careers.

[Greg Nichols]

I’m going to throw out that the worst I’ve experienced is when someone in a leadership role is the cancerous complainer. I experienced it first hand with a team leader in Afghanistan. His complaining all stemmed from his unsuccessful career that he blamed on others. He complained about those above him to those below him. It spread discontent among the platoon and likely prematurely ended what could have been successful military careers.

That is, in my experience, one of the worst examples of complaint. Complaints go up, not down, never in front of subordinates. period. and probably one of the reasons that his career was held up.

[Brent Yamamoto]

That is, in my experience, one of the worst examples of complaint. Complaints go up, not down, never in front of subordinates. period. and probably one of the reasons that his career was held up.

^This.

Same thing goes for the corporate world.

[Brent Yamamoto]

This is an excellent topic. One that is relevant both at work as well as in personal relationships.

I think there are a lot of people that recognize this issue and police themselves in the professional environment, but not so much in their personal environment.

It's a human nature thing and something we all need to keep in mind.

Bad moods are like bad breath. I get in bad moods sometimes, there's lots of stuff I don't feel like doing and people I don't feel like talking to. But just like brushing my teeth, I do my best not to expose people to my bad moods. We have a lot of control over that.

This gets into another realm - happiness. I think happiness is considered a shallow pursuit by many, but I disagree. Happy people are usually easier to be around. Happy people don't fly airplanes into buildings or throw little kids off balconies. Happy people don't expose everyone else to habitual negativity. Happy people do make the world better...when you are happy (or at least act happy), you make other people happy as well. Some people do need to be shot in the face, but many others in your life deserve to be lifted up.

Bringing a smile to someone else's face might be a sappy platitude, but it can change lives. It improves friendships, and it is necessary for intimate relationships. It does make your little piece of the world brighter.

And bringing this back around...happy people tend not to be habitual complainers. And I know from personal experience I've influenced some to put a limit on their complaining habits.

[Papa]

From an online daily devotional today:

Daily Devotional April 30, 2019
Are You a Grumbler?

And all the people of Israel grumbled.
Numbers 14:2

Synchronicity aside, we used to call people in my trade who bitched a lot and did nothing "hairbags."

LE is a hybrid of the models mentioned above. And because LE careers in small to medium agencies involve long-term interaction with the same cast of characters, some pretty ugly stuff can arise, from ducking priority calls to malicious gossip that would make high schoolers blush. The best practice is to find work to do.

No one would accuse me of sainthood. I have a memory and a mirror. As I get older I realize more and more that vigorous and effective action does not excuse emotional demonstration. Nobody cares if your anger is righteous.

And no matter how justified your complaints may be, the job needs to be done, and done right.

[RedLeg0811]

I remember the saying "A Marine is not happy unless they are bitching".

I like to think I am normally a pretty positive guy. At my old job my IT group would laugh a lot to over come the shitty stuff. I think there are things you can do nothing about or very little and you may bitch and move on. Then there are things you can do something about. You may bitch or have constructive criticism, but you come up with a solution or get with a group to brain storm and come up with a solution.

My new job I have control over most things or can make changes as need be. I hear a lot of bitching from the fire fighters about computers. Depending what it is like say Win10 I empathies with them and then show them some tips and tricks to make their life easier. If it is security I explain it is not really their info, but the access into the system. It has been received very well. I feel very lucky as my boss believes in doing it right the first time, so we spend money wisely and don't just get the cheapest thing out there. I see many things that need to be corrected here, but that is a work in progress.

I think anytime you bitch about something you should try and come up with some type of solution.

[HeavySmoke]

The military has to be separated from the civilian world in this sense. I almost feel like soldierly complaining is like a pressure release valve. Everyone still does their assigned task in a timely manner but the complaining is totally a different animal than the civilian world. In the law enforcement world complaining is pure cancer. Because unlike the military cops will let bad morale get the best of them quickly. They start ignoring calls, and looking to bus roll colleagues. If a complaint is legitimate, make a plan and execute.

[callmebubba]

The military has to be separated from the civilian world in this sense. I almost feel like soldierly complaining is like a pressure release valve. Everyone still does their assigned task in a timely manner but the complaining is totally a different animal than the civilian world. In the law enforcement world complaining is pure cancer. Because unlike the military cops will let bad morale get the best of them quickly.They start ignoring calls, and looking to bus roll colleagues. If a complaint is legitimate, make a plan and execute.

This is very much the same in the military. And while I was pretty jaded near the end of my time I made it a strong point to never complain in front of people whose career could be affected by hearing it. I had a bad attitude but I made damn sure that it never affected those around me.

[Johnny C!]

One of my quotes I coined while working
my day job several years ago.

There are plenty of people on this
planet, who are simply not happy.
And I have realized its not my job
to make them that way.

[redneckranger]

Mr. Yamamoto wrote "However, I think as you mature, you put away childish things."
1st Corinthians 13:11 ... one of my favorites.

Also, Mr. Yamamoto, may I make a suggestion for and edit? You wrote " happy people tend not to be habitual complainers." May I suggest the use of the word "content" instead of happy. Happiness can be quite temporary, yet contentment can be a much more enduring condition.